All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
