I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
