what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize