it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
