M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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