im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize