I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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