I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
