the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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