I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
