we have officially lost it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just want nice things and good sex
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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