in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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