I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
