is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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