Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
