I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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