soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
