How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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