Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
