I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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