it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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