belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
