I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
