Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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