Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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