Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
