Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
