I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
