I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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