I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
