i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
