Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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