Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
