at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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