yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
