Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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