Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
