Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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