I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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