Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
