i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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