i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
