we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
