You smell like a Billy Joel song
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
