i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
