Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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