Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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