Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
