idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
