Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
