If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
