whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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