Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Drake has all the answers
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize