my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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