if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
