Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
