Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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