im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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