When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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