I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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