she was so not down for the gang bang
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
