god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
