Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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